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Parasite Eve remake rumored to be first Square Enix project

  • Published at 15:41:00 PT
  • Reported by Matt Berti
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The first project under the belt of Square Enix will reportedly be a Gamecube/PS2 release of Parasite Eve: Rebirth, an updated remake of the original Parasite Eve. Rebirth will apparently feature an "enhanced combat system" and other new "elements," whatever the fuck that means. The-Magicbox.com ?

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According to Nintendojo the title will be brand new and feature enough goodies to distance itself from the collective "meh"ness that the series has seen so far (Square Haven readers gave both Parasite Eve and Parasite Eve 2 a 'B' rating) - comments I've seen so far include wishful thinking that PE:R alone will be able to bring Gamecube back in the race for mature gamers, as well as considering it to be a - quote - "flagship Square title". Eh, I'm not so sure. We'll see... as usual.

Screw that 2004 PAL release date though. Bah!
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Nintendojo consists of fucking morons and I base this perspecive on this: "[Parasite Eve:Rebirth] is definately the game that may very well break the boundary between the GameCube's "kiddy" format." First of all, he misspelled "definitely," second, any person could tell you that a Parasite Eve game won't do shit to cultivate the Gamecube or bring in an audience any different than that of it's current, let alone "break the boundary."

People are so stupid.
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And dumb people need a voice too! Look at your forums, man..
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No! I refuse to visit that incessant pile of trudge ever again!
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Besides, that guy (The Nintendojo guy) is stupid, not dumb. Dumb people do not deserve voice. That's absurd!
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It's silly to "editorialize" in an article. Attempting to put two and two together is one thing... drawing wild conclusions based on personal perspective is another.



Also, I would not take much stock in user ratings in the same way I would not take much stock in the movie ratings at the IMDb. LotR does not "deserve" to be even close to the top 10. It's merely an indication of what fanboys think. I gather from the PE ratings here that fanboys suck at action-type games. Monotonous button-pushing is the ideal for these lazy bums. Hence we see something like Xenogears. Just mash buttons... mix up combinations to make it "diverse"... are you kidding? RPG battle mechanics are hardly noteworthy in the big picture, but please...



Who wants to be in a race for "mature" gamers, anyway? Street cred? Ignorant comments about how the GC is supposedly "backwards" compared to the "sleek and edgy" PS2 and XBox do not deserve to be acknowledged. If you want to look at system performance, isn't it a fact that the GC renders graphics better than the PS2? Also, isn't the PS2 notorious for its nasty churning when it reads a disc?


So what if XBox is technically superior to the other two? It's not as though game companies are going to bend over and take it from big bad Microsoft! Or wait. Sega already did! I honestly don't understand what Sega is trying to say when it claims Xbox appeals to hardcore gamers. The Xbox has negligible market share in Japan. Why develop for Xbox? Hardcore gamers play the best games, and most of the best games available today are not on the Xbox.

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Here is the offensive garbage I was referring to.

Piece of Shit "Review

Stegosaurus-sized brain? What the fuck?

I must say here that the Chroncile is a fucking atrocious, second-rate newspaper that doesn't come close to approaching the quality of the Sac Bee. Op-ed pages? No. Sports? No. Local news? Who cares about local news in the Bay Area? I truly am ashamed to admit that I actually subscribed to this mediocre rag.

And when I did cancel, I got a call asking me to subscribe again at some discount. Those bitches are fucking pushy! That's because no one wants to subscribe to such an abysmal paper!
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"And while the sound effects in the game are good, the musical score is a relentless mess, inspired equally from the old Tron video game and the instrumental theme song from "Top Gun" that was played every time the planes took off."

This person must die.

Err, oh yeah, Parasite Eve. Uh, it was a good game. Yeah.
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Wow. That is the worst review of all time.

...which makes it the best review ever! It's so bad that it's good :)
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