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Vin Diesel signed for Hitman movie; 1% statistical chance of being good

  • Published at 21:08:56 PT
  • Reported by Matt Berti
  • Read 19,111 times
  • Karma:  -6 
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It's a good thing I'm big and bald, otherwise I would have to rely on my acting ability to make a living.Vin Diesel has reportedly been cast as Agent 47 in the forthcoming Hitman movie as well as future games in the series. "We've selected Diesel for good reasons," said Dickey Swick, casting director for Hitman, "because he's so bald and is an amazingly talented and gifted thespian." Given that 10% of Diesel's movies are good, and 10% of all video game movies are good, Hitman: the Movie has a 1% statistical chance of beeing any good at all.

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Forums / News / Vin Diesel signed for Hitman movie; 1% statistical chance of being good

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And believe me, we did some number crunching.
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Well, if it's been proven mathematically, I don't think there's any way this information can be incorrect. I mean...the Internet's never lied to me before how could it possibly be wrong now?
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What? The Internet... LIE?! Never. I mean, after all, there's never instances of identities being stolen, credit card numbers being hijacked, and databases being hacked. After all, if that was true, banks couldn't make money by sucking away funds to supposedly prevent such issues.
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Might as well casted a Chimpanzee to play the role; if anything we'd be entertained for the hour and a half.
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I'm detecting some sarcasm; however, Mr. Diesel is actually a rather nice fellow. I've had the supreme pleasure of meeting him once or twice and he's not the "bing bang boom" kind of extremist he portrays on the big screen - the bald guy's actually quite young at heart. But, yeah, whatever, the chimp would do a better job.
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uh oh hollywood insider spotted on square haven comment thread
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Oh yeah, totally...that's me...Yuko with the inside scoop on today's top celebrities! Wanna know who's baby Britney's carrying? Where will the skull-hammering enthusiasm of Tom Cruise pitch us next? Find out on the next pathetically irrelevent thread of {-insert dramatic sound byte-} Square Haven Headline News {-more stupid music-}.
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I would think that I ever met Vin Diesel "once or twice," i would remember whether it was once or twice.
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It was once...and that last sentence of yours was a grammatical nightmare.
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yes, i've always wanted more grammar vigilanies cruising this site for grammatical nightmares..
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*vigilantes
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see? we already have rahul
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But is that really enough? IS THAT REALLY AMPLE SUSTINENCE?! WHERE DID THINGS GO WRONG?!! YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!!! THE CHOSEN hey look at that, Vin Diesel Posters in the in the Google ads.
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"A claustrophobic mind trip through a misinterpreted, casual cloud of dementia." -- bwyuko, why don't you write reader reviews?
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yessss... YEESSSS!!! Click away! The Vin Diesel posters AWAIT!!!! VWEEHEHE
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I've seriously considered it, Rahul. But if I chose to actually write a review for this site, it would have to be less of a review and more of a descriptive analysis - something beckoning back to the masterpieces of Paul the Impaler. And to end this comment, here is a selfless plug......

Go to http://www.neogurus.net/
NOW!
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Why should it be a descriptive analysis? You can write a self-effacing binary exposition on why a game sucks and I'll put it up. Hell, if it's enjoyable reading, who cares what it makes fun of? We've had people calling FFVII the best game ever and Chrono Cross the worst. I think we can put up with an attempt at less-than-virtuoso punditry (again).
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He's right, look at the dribble I got published here! (Hell Rahul just mentioned some of mine just then!)
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The writers here do tend to pick a side and run. I'll see what I can do. No promises though. http://www.neogurus.net/
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Man your website whoring is worse than mine is, shame on you.
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what's that? i'm whoriNg my wEbsite and yOu're not Glad aboUt it? you'Re obvioUSly Not onE To talk my aussie friend...
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Man, you're one sad case. On first glance that last post seemed purely stupid, on second glance that thought was confirmed.
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is it just me or was XXX AWESOME??
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Put down the beer, Matt. Just put it down.
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Put it down Bart...put it down...
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Fucking please. It takes more than alcohol to make XXX seem like a good movie.
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LOL "The things I'm going to do for my country!" Why does that XXX line sound so much more funny when you're drunk? (hmm... am I drunk right now?)
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yes my dear friend you are,put the drink down,slowly walk away from the counter,about face, see gun out of the corner of your eye,grab gun,point towards forehead,pull trigger.

Let's just hope you don't have to repeat the process. unless of course you missed.

but another thing, I heard (on the internet)that Vin Diesel is actually gay. bwyuko, you wouldn't have anything to do with that now would you?
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