March 28, 2008, Square Haven has ceased updates indefinitely. What you see below is an archived version.

Making it explicit: features of sexy new home page

  • Published at 21:17:00 PT
  • Reported by Paul Le
  • Read 19,905 times
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Overwhelmed by the sheer sexiness (only surpassed by a certain Harvard student) of the new home page? Subject yourself to a quick explanation.
? Are you in awe of the sexy new format of the Square Haven home page?? It's completely understandable, then, that you might have overlooked some of the new features the page has to offer.

? The Navigate bar summarizes all of the "content" of Square Haven, which includes quick access to some of our paltry game coverage and even more paltry game guides.? (There is a difference!)

?? Furthermore, we proudly provide easily accessible links to our esteemed affiliate gaming sites. Here, for example, a site that Primigenus found*.

?  The most significant (and quite sexy) revision is the streamlined display of Irrelevant Gaming News.? News articles may now be sorted by date, author, karma, or the number of comments made.? Now it's easy to revisit some of the most heated debates, including comments about the supposed "gayness" of Kingdom Hearts.

  The flirty sexiness of the home page is, ironically, a result of not one, but two internal frames.

? The What's New panel recaps all of Square Haven's updates, breaking them up into easily digestible categories.? Now one may choose to view only media updates or only recent reviews on Square games.? Also, it is possible to see all past updates by using the navigation arrows.

? What's more, the Rumble of the Week is now contained in a pop-up window that you can control.? Simply select the graphic link that launches the current week's Rumble, which will also give you access to Rumble records and the results of all previous Rumbles, including the epic struggle between Matt Paul and the Insane Pillsbury Doughboy with Evil-Looking Spoon.

? Skipping the Netflix "There is porn." banner, we now arrive at the Games panel.? The Top 10 gaming coverage lists, sorted by popularity and rating, are still available, but the Games panel also includes an entirely new feature (and therefore sexy), the comment and rating system on upcoming games of significance to the industry, selected by the staff.? Log in and, in 255 characters or less, express your verbal acuity and wit!  (There is no need to log in twice. Refresh the entire page once you're done commenting and the header will show the "logged in" status.)  Use the navigation arrows to view games to be released in the relatively distant future, such as Metroid Fusion.? Supposedly, Paul's GBA made this comment: "Metroid, you complete me!"

? Finally, the header graphic is now randomized for much of the site.? The header graphics are associated with links to "recently" updated game coverage pages.? Retch as you see a graphic of Rinoa and Squall, and cry "spoiler, you bastards!!!" as you see the header graphic for Kingdom Hearts.

? Now, get cracking!? Return home to comment on upcoming games, write a scintillating reader review, or give us impoverished, time-strapped college kids some incentive for us to bust our asses!

* Inside forum reference that you will understand if you are a part of the chicanery that is the Square Haven Message Forums of Death!!!

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