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Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

Square Enix
DVD Movie
Final Fantasy VII
  • April 25, 2006
  • September 10, 2005
  • April 24, 2006
A- 42 total ratings
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Advent Desecration

A Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children review Author: Jeriaska Published: July 03, 2006
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I'm a devoted fan of the original Final Fantasy VII for Sony Playstation, despite the fact that it received the worst English translation of any localization attempt in recorded history. The computer-generated movie Advent Children is something of a personal affront along the same lines as the original English translation of the game was an Absolute Desecration. I cannot agree more wholeheartedly with Matt's critical appraisal of this project. Completely bereft of all artistic merit, the film jettisons everything that made the game intriguing in an attempt to commercialize on the short attention spans of its audience.
When infected with the Geostigma virus, children demand more limited edition Square Enix products

Advent Children is forced to do away with the rather edgy central theme of FFVII. The embarrassment-of-a-movie even begins with a mirror image of the last shot of the game, taking place 500 years after Cloud, where the mutant lion Red XIII is running with his cubs across Cosmo Canyon to a gulf overlooking the jungle ruins of Midgar. As you'll recall, the game dares to question whether the destructive impact of human civilization upon the natural environment does not justify the extinction of the species. The compelling insinuation that humanity has been wiped out by Meteor is forgotten, however, as it turns out that not only do homo sapiens live on, but a handicapped Rufus and indestructible Sephiroth are among them. The fact that characters in the world of Advent Children can survive being in skyscrapers when they explode should give fans hope that someday, in some equally low quality polymorphic rip off, Aerith might be raised from her watery grave to hawk sunglasses.
Loz, Kadaj, and Yazoo have fired over 600,000 bullets at Final Fantasy characters. They've managed to kill nobody. What a bunch pathetic bastards

This motion picture disgrace does manage to be more visually compelling than the similarly plot-retarded Spirits Within by ditching CG photo-realism for animation inspired character design. However, the locations depicted in the film are rather uninspired. Desert wastelands and a ruined Midgar reduce the fascinating futuristic dystopia imagined by Hironobu Sakaguchi to shades of Mad Max. It is appallingly obvious that very little effort went into making sense of Advent Children. For instance, characters don?t fight with the purpose of killing each other, as the definition of death in this alternate universe where humans get bounced off walls like bunnies without suffering harm is murky indeed. Rather, good guys and bad guys fight for the sake of picturesque fight scenes.

The plot concerns itself somewhat with a bunch of kids in Midgar who are coming down with a variant of the avian flu virus that makes them moody. The disease is spread by the inexplicably not-dead Sephiroth. Just how do you kill this guy, anyhow? There are some white-haired Jenova clones who capoeira with Cloud and Tifa in extended dance numbers before driving off in their bikes. When these black leather emo types aren?t firing their guns at Final Fantasy characters, presumably they, what? Play gin rummy in the desert? In the end, the ?Geostigma?-infected tikes are miraculously cured by splashing around in the Lifestream and purchasing new Square Enix products.

Hundreds of Asian computer drones developed carpal tunnel and scurvy so you fanboys could enjoy this ludicrous fight scene

One cannot help but notice that there is no sign of blood in the wacked-out world of Advent Children. When Bahamut attacks Midgar in the last scene, the townspeople are tossed about like ragdolls, but no one breaks a bone. The mayhem and havoc appear more like a major inconvenience than outright pandemonium in this world of living sock puppets. Am we to presume this is entertainment? When cities are destroyed in the anime Akira, or even a Spielberg movie, the depiction of violence properly elicits the viewer's horror. Here, it?s just an excuse for Cloud to get launched into the air by his cardboard cutout friends. Note to the people behind this movie?hire someone with a sense of humor. This movie is boring!

In a well-designed game, there is constantly something at stake. When an enemy attacks, the player is forced to respond. Otherwise, his characters will be killed and his game will end. That interactive element of the adventure is what drives a story along in a well-crafted game like Final Fantasy VII. When consequences are stripped away in a CG movie sequel, the plot and character development had better make up for the loss of human agency.

Fanboys, this is not the Final Fantasy VII of yore. This is a corporate hustle to make you buy cell phones and sunglasses. Tune out Advent Children!
Editor's Grade
dotted line "Not the sequel to Final Fantasy VII most were hoping for."
A- dotted line Average Reader Score (Based on 42 ratings) | Rate it Now
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Endoplasmic Reticulum
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